She closes the door and enters the day, with the face that she wants the world to see. She is beautiful, she is vibrant, she is smiling, and she is ready to face what ever the day may bring.
She is immaculately dressed, her hair brushed so neatly and even though she doesn’t need it, she has her make up on, her lipstick applied so neatly and she is every bit the goddess that the world will see today and every other day as well. All this makes her feel good and helps her to go about her day. She is a daughter too some, a sister to others and a partner to her beloved. She is grace and elegance and she is every bit a woman and she it about to embrace her day.
But, while she is every bit the goddess, and a warrior, and her beauty knows no bounds, underneath her catwalk like composure, is another story that the world around her may never really know, or ever come to understand. It is something that they just cannot even see.
Today is like any other day for her, but today is the day that her hidden disease has decided to raise its ugly head. Unlike the beauty that we see before us, this inner demon has taken hold of her and nobody will know the torment that goes on beneath her skin and deep into every organ in her precious body. Today would buckle many and have many lose their way, but not her, she is a warrior and she will not give in.
While the constant anxiety and pain and mixed emotions scatters every cell in her brain, she remains composed and ever focussed and this is all that she will let the outer world see. Very few will know that today is not a good day, but even then those that know, will know that this will not stop her from going about her day.
There are days though, that none shall see her and these are the days that no matter how hard she tries to embrace the day, the disease within has its tight grasp around her and she just need to hide away and deal with the pain. On these days it is just all too much to bear and though she will not give in, todays battle is best not fought, and she just wisely knows today is the day to rest, heal and repair. She knows that sometimes to win a battle, it is best to not fight at all.
Today the flare of the disease within has sent aches to her muscles, sensitivity to her skin, aches to her head, cloudiness to her brain, deep pain to her bones and spine and pulsating pain to her womb. Her belly is swollen, like she is about to give birth and the intestines feel like that are being twisted and ripped apart. She feels nauseas, her head pounds like the worst every hangover and she feels like she is about to pass out. Even the most important bodily functions are just too hard and just too sore today. The disease tries to contort her, to stop her, but she remains upright and continues her day. She does not let the disease win and she will never buy into the label and let it confine her.
Some days are even more stressful, because her monthly cycle has appeared and has come with full vengeance and feels like flood waters through the place that a woman gives birth. On those days, she may even feel like she has given birth and what is bought forth, only few will ever hear about. Not even her partner may see what these flood waters bring and what she just felt like she birthed. That is secret women’s business and only talked about in private, or to the healthcare provider that may assist her from time to time.
She is loving, she is vulnerable, she is caring, she is giving, she is strong, she is fierce when needed and she is every bit the woman that the world knows a woman to be. Even at times of intimacy, she will still give her all and love with such passion and tenderness, but all the while her partner will never know that the pain that may be within. Some days are good, some days are bad, but that doesn’t stop her expressing her passion, her love and her womanly desires and love for her partner. Her heart is pure love and a good man will know how to love her and support her and care for her on the days where she needs gentle, loving, tender care.
Today may not be a good day, but she will brave the day just like any other and hide the disease crippling her within. She will not cry out in the open, she will not even make a fuss. Not many will know today is a bad day, because her courage and strength will get her through the day, just as it has every other day. You will only see what she wants you to see and that is a smiling, strong, vibrant woman about to go and conquer her day.
This is what I see through my eyes, of the strong, vibrant goddess that we all shall see. Because I know the war she is fighting, I see what many do not see. I see what she goes through and why she sometimes has to hide away. I see her wipe away the tears she sheds in silence. I see how restless she is when she tries to sleep. I see the mixed day of pain and emotions and how she tries to regain composure to overcome her day.
Through my eyes I don’t see weakness and someone who is fragile, or someone who gives in. I see a goddess, a mighty warrior, someone who can overcome and conquer all before her. Not by brute force, but by love, by compassion, by listening, by understanding and by knowing how to do what is needed and when it is needed. That is true strength, she is a true warrior and she shows what is it is to be a strong capable super woman. She will not let her kryptonite conquer her and she will overcome it and conquer it instead.
Through my eyes I will never really be able to know, or understand what she really goes through. I can never know what she endures each day. I can only but imagine what it is like to be in her shoes and walk the path that she walks most days. But I know that on days that she isn’t feeling her best, she will let the world see the best that she can be. She won’t fuss, she won’t cry, she won’t show any pain. She is a true warrior and she just puts on her makeup, puts on her lipstick, brushes her hair nicely, dresses eloquently and gets on with her day. Those are the days that we can support her and love her and help her get through her day.
This is the face of endometriosis and only those that suffer from this horrible disease will know what it is like to live in silence while the rest of the world is completely unaware.
Let’s end the silence for the strong warrior endo sisters and the next time someone tells you that they have endometriosis, remember that just because they look fine, they look vibrant, they look strong, they look like a beautiful goddess etc……Just remember that they may be fighting the fight within and today may not be a good day.
This is for my loved ones with the disease and every one of the “endo sisters”
-No Stone Left Unturned
-Period Pain IS NOT Normal
-The Endometriosis Experts