I have been thinking about what I was going to say on this post and to accompany this saying. It is not always easy to explain the gift of men, especially in this day and age where men are often put down and many times even hated.
It is men’s health week so it is important to talk about men and it is a great time to talk about them as well. But even so, I have still found it hard knowing what to say and worrying about people being negative, which is not what I want to convey here. This post is about good men, so please let’s keep it to that and not negative projections.
But, before I continue, I urge each and every one of you (male or female) to read my favourite awaken man and writer extraordinaire, Daniel Nielsen’s post about The Awakened Man. I am going to put a copy of it in the comments section below. It will give you an insight into what a consciously awakened man is, and that they do in fact exist. It will give you an insight into the gift that this sort of man is also.
It is something that myself and many other men I know aspire to be daily and continually do the inner work to evolve and be even more consciously aware. It is also something that I have taught me son, and know he is the same. I want my son to believe that he is a gift too, as are everyone else sons. Remember that our son’s grown into men and how your groom them and teach them now has a huge impact on who they become. We need to remember that we want them to be an amazing partner to someone, not anything else.
The thing is, despite some of the negativity I see, men are as just as much a gift as women are. Men need to be told how special they are and adored for who they are too. All to often these days we see the emasculation of men and the negativity towards men going on, and it really needs to stop. While some (a small section) probably deserve it, many do not.
Despite that we should be leading and educating with kindness, compassion and understanding and showing those that need it the pathway to being a better man, not putting them down.
In many cases, not all, this negativity is purely genderising a projection of someone’s own hurts and traumas and unresolved issues within themselves. It just blaming someone else for ones own issues, and it adds to the divide and perception and more negative reinforcement, and that never helps anyone. Let’s face it, gender should not even enter into things. Humans are the issue and not a certain gender. We should not be generalising just because of our perception of a certain gender.
To be honest, I am the first one to admit that some men need to step up more (especially in my line of work where some guys need a rocket up their behind), evolve more and be the man that women are searching for, or need their partner to be.
Regardless, I do have to say that there are many guys who really know their own self worth and are doing all they can to be a better person each day. We also need to remember that not everyone has had good role models, and like some women, some men are just who they are, and where they are at, and just doing the best they can and are still descent human beings.
I know I have always tried to instil into my own son the virtues of being a gentleman and also being consciously aware. I don’t want him to think that he is seen anything other than a gift and to continue in being the amazing caring human being that he is.
I remember one of my proudest moments was one night we shared a train ride home. On the train there was this young girl sitting near us, who was a mess, and was drunk, and could not even find her purse, or even remember her password for her phone. She wasn’t in a good way. My son quietly got up and sat in front of her and politely introduced himself.
He then calmly asked if he could help her get her phone open, or help her call someone. The poor thing was crying and had lost her bank card and had no idea how to get home after the train ride. We got to our stop and my son said to me he was staying on the train and would be home later. I got off the train and waved him on and as I was I did hear two people making smart remarks about that he must be trying to win on to this girl. I knew this was not the case, and just kept my mouth shut and went home. Their opinion meant nothing, but none the less, the perception was there.
Later on that night when my son got back home, he told me he had made sure this young girl had got to her station, then had called for an Uber on his own Uber account, and made sure she got to her home safely. This was half an hour out of his way and he got back on the train and got home later on.
Later on I asked him how it all went and why he stayed on the train. He said “Dad, I helped her home because nobody else would have and something bad could have happened to her. I did it because that could have been one of my sisters, and I hope some other male would do the same for them”.
Seriously melted my heart to hear this and I realised then and there my job as a parent on one level was done. Honestly, ask yourself this… “Wouldn’t you want that kind of man looking after your daughter?”
If the answer is yes, then make sure you teach your son’s exactly the same and instil being a good man from a young age. Teach them to be a good future partner too.
I also felt some sadness knowing that things like this are not always seen and the good deeds of men are not always appreciated. There were the negative comments on the train by others. I didn’t want him to be subjected to the harshness of some people’s words, through their own past and own projections. I didn’t want him to be knocked so badly that he stopped being that man, regardless of the cruel words of others. This is why I am so passionate about telling this story today and getting people to not generalise about men, or the perceptions of men based on their choices, or projections of their past.
Men, real men, need to be valued, thanks, acknowledged, loved, adored and recognised for who they are too. Show your partners, your husbands, your brothers, your friends, or your sons, that they are a gift and deserve to be recognised for the gift that they are to the world as well.
Let’s not focus of the negatives and focus on the positives and be teachers of good men. If you are finding it hard to find “that man”, then maybe it is time to start being the mirror of what you are wanting in another. Just remember that we often receive what we mirror and men can’t be the blame for all areas in someone’s life. It is about working on ourselves and doing the inner work to be whom we are wanting to receive. It is about letting go of the past and opening the heart, allowing our self to receive, and being present to be the best version we can be.
So let’s see more posts showing the better side of men that are working on themselves, do treat women like a goddess, do all the right things, do the inner work and need to be recognised for who these men really are.
When was the last time you appreciated a man’s efforts, your man’s efforts, your brother’s efforts, your son’s efforts, and made them feel the way you would also like to be treated and valued?
Validation, kindness and care can be great teachers and motivators of men, and all humans alike.
It is time to restore the best qualities of women and men and acknowledge that we are all gifts no matter what gender, race, or colour of skin we are.