While part of my job is to make sure couples are having enough sex, in order to have babies, part of my education to couples is about maintaining a health and happy relationship too. Sex is a big part of a relationship and it helps couple connect on a much deeper level than just being about the act of pleasure. While that part is nice too, couples still need to learn to connect and share on a much deeper level too.
I always find it sad to see couples who aren’t having sex anymore and are so disconnected. It is also sad to see my fertility couples stop this connection, once the “Job is done” and the baby making is complete. I always explain that if they cannot connect and maintain that health relationship now, how are they going to survive once a baby comes along. It is something that many just don’t think about and often it all becomes about the all consuming goal of “I want a baby”. But at what cost to a relationship?
I do also understand that when couples have been trying so long and there are failures and fertility drugs mixed into the equation, it does become hard. But, you still need to move past that and still find time to connect, otherwise the relationship will die. I get all the reasons why, but at the end of the day, that lack of connection is a big part of the reason so many couples relationships end. For couples going through fertility issues, there is up to an 80% separation rate and this is often tied back to that lack of physical and emotional connection, through bonding through sexual connection.
A health relationship should be having sex at least 1-3 times per week and this helps to promote this deep bonding and connection needed for a relationship to survive. Regular sexual activity can also help promote good physical health and also help with mental and emotional health too. A relationship isn’t all about the sex, but it sure helps make it stronger, as many studies like the one quoted below have shown.
When was the last time you connected on this deep level with your partner?
Might be time for a weekend away, or a date night real soon
Source: Hicks LL, McNulty JK, Meltzer AL et al. Capturing the Interpersonal Implications of Evolved Preferences? Frequency of Sex Shapes Automatic, but Not Explicit, Partner Evaluations. Psychological Science. 2016.
Dr Andrew Orr
-Leaving No Stone Unturned